Taking Stock

It has been too many days since the last blog, where I proposed sticking to the proverbial guns when it came to resolutions.  I am returning to take stock of what progress I am making towards my goals.  My resolution was to just be.  I am successful so far!  I have been less anxious, less worrisome, and more happy!  Slowly but surely I am noticing changes, little ones that you might miss if you weren't paying attention.  But I notice.  I feel the difference in my step, the bounce that wasn't there before.  I am just me.  I am just being me.  And I am happy.  I am eating better, sleeping better, and being a better me!  Yay for just being!  Hope all of your resolutions have become new ways of life.


Charlie

362 days left to do it right!

Hello 2010! It's the third day of the year - do you know where your resolutions are??  Depending on what your resolution is, you may be already falling behind.  Had that cigarette yet?  Had that big piece of chocolate cake?  Already missed a gym visit?  Overspent on your brand new budget?  For your sake, I hope not, you still have 362 days left in the year.  Don't worry if it's been a rough few days, I believe in you!  If you have messed up already, don't give up, just pick up and start again.  My resolution to "just be" is going well so far.  I have just been me for the last 3 days and it has made me feel great.  I'm a little less anxious and a little more confident.  Just a little - it's only been 3 days!  ;) 

Anyway, good luck with your resolution, whatever it may be.  Keep up the good work!


Charlie

No Kiss Blogfest Contest Scene!!

Today on Write on Edge, it is the weekend linkup.  I chose a chapter from one of my WIPs that I used for a blogfest a few years ago.  Enjoy!

@Frankiediane is having a "No Kiss" Blogfest today, and my entry is posted below!! It's from my current WIP, Shutter Click.  Hope  you like my no-kiss!!
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Holly was halfway to her car when she recalled not locking her lab door. She knew that could be dangerous considering what she had just spent the last hour developing. Naked photos would not be good for her reputation. She spun around and ran anxiously towards the lab, hoping no one would notice her erratic behavior.


She heard rustling on the other side of the door. Panic struck her chest, shortening her breath. Crashing through the door, she almost screamed at the sight of Charlie standing in the lab, holding a naked picture of her.

“Oh my gosh, Charlie! What in the hell are you doing in here?” Holly screeched at him.

“Well, it’s a long story Holly, but the doors on both your house and here were unlocked. What in the hell were you thinking?” Charlie’s deep voice echoed her irritation.

“I just forgot. I’ve had a lot on my mind, okay? You didn’t answer me: what are you doing in here?”

The tension grew when Charlie knew he’d been caught putting the naked photo in his wallet. He couldn’t ignore that it had happened, but he’d avoid bringing it up unless she did.

“I was looking for you! What happened at your house? There was blood everywhere, evidence boxes, and all those photos! What’s going on with you Holly?” Concern filled his eyes as he gazed at her disheveled appearance. She looked like hell had struck her with lightning. Holly knew that she couldn’t lie to Charlie, so she didn’t. Honesty would win him over faster, and then she’d be able to get back to her plans.

“Look Charlie,” she used his name for seriousness. “I've been having a really hard time dealing with these girls dying. I can’t figure out who the killer might be; I don’t even have the slightest idea. The clues are all over the place, and I can’t read them. As for my house, I was trying to get a feel for what the killer was trying to convey with the evidence. Why do the girls get posed and dressed up like they do? Why the notes with flowers? What does all this crap mean?” Holly’s eyes were welling with frustration.

“I don’t know either. I’m not a great detective like you are. Why are you crying? This isn’t your fault! It’s not your fault these girls are dead!” He knew what she needed. He reached out and softly touched her wet cheek, wiping away a fresh tear. Holly grasped onto his sleeve.

“Oh geez. I hate crying. Especially in front of people.” She smeared her mascara tears on his shirt as she hugged into his chest. She could feel his heartbeat murmur through his thick muscles. Shudders of sobs took over her body.

“This shouldn’t feel this good.” Holly thought deeply. Charlie softly brushed aside her stray black locks. He tipped her chin up to meet his, hovering less than an inch away from her delicate lips. She could feel his warmth enveloping her mouth; cherry lips wet with anticipation. His cologne and anxious sweat mixed to make a scent so enrapturing, Holly’s knees nearly buckled under the pressure. Golden suns stared into her soul, his caramel skin hot under her touch. A flutter in her chest warned her of the mess to come, and she pulled away. Thwarted, Charlie’s mouth pouted. He could feel her yearning, and was confused at her apprehension. She pushed on his chest, getting as far away from him as she could. Holly had to save herself and him from any sort of heartbreak.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t do it. I need some time to get through what’s going on right now. Not that I didn’t want to, I just can’t hurt anyone else.” Holly hoped her sensitivity was keeping Charlie on her side. His chivalrous side would want to save her from herself, and that would be enough to keep him from snooping too hard.

“It’s alright,” Charlie held his emotion back. “I understand, but just know I’m always here for you when you need it. Any time, day or night.” He got close enough to smell her hair, kissed her forehead, and walked out. Holly dropped to her knees, bawling hard. She needed to feel him, needed his touch, but couldn’t let herself. It was so wearisome and only perpetuated her self-loathing.
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Charlie

P.S. Photo props go to 'ladytwiglet from her DeviantArt page.  Gorgeous photo!

The Tao of Me

This is the first sunrise of 2010 from my art room window.  I captured it on my camera around 0710, and it is amazing.  Hopefully this bodes well for how the rest of the year will be.  Speaking of the rest of the year, most people are bringing up resolutions today.  I never like making them, for they are usually superficial and don't last more than a week, if only a few days.  This year I have a resolution of sorts.  I plan to just be.  I don't want to plan to be happier, luckier, faster, healthier, prettier, or anything more than what I am.  I will just be me and see what happens.  I want to just feel that who I am is enough, and stop chasing down crazy expectations that lead to disappointment and depression.  This is not to say I will stop improving on myself, but if it is meant to be then I will be it.  A quote out of one of my all-time favorite books leads off this year for me:

While Eeyore frets
And Piglet hesitates
and Rabbit calculates
and Owl pontificates
Pooh just is.

-The Tao of Pooh, Benjamin Hoff

I just want to be.


Charlie

Critique Me! Or don't. But do something!

At times I feel like this bright lightbulb, but most days I am one of those others.  I am battling with my need for positive (or any) feedback and my need to finish writing my book.  If I spend all my time waiting around for someone to read or edit what I have so far, I will never reach the end.  But I so badly need some feedback.  Who do I ask to read my writing?  No close friends want to, they are too afraid of hurting my feelings.  No one understands that I just want objective criticism.  You got it?  Give it to me!!  Tell me if you want to read my stuff - tell me if you don't!  Just tell me.  I'm addicted to feedback.  Grrr.  Maybe today is just a dark lightbulb day.

  @Parajunkee is having a design contest! You could win a new layout for you blog!! Go enter at:

http://parajunkee.blogspot.com/2009/12/new-year-new-blog-design-contest.html


Charlie

Today is a melancholy day.

Charlie

j-kaye book challenge

Here's a challenge we all can try!

http://j-kaye-book-blog.blogspot.com/2009/11/new-2010-reading-challenge-100-reading.html

100 books in a year?  Try for 200?  Let's do it!


Charlie

Character Interview

Here is an interview with the MC from my book.  Hope this goes well.
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Charlie: I am here today with Holly Price, main character of Shutter Click.  Hello, Holly! How are things today?

Holly: Not too bad, considering how much death I looked at today.

Charlie: I'm sorry to hear that, is it difficult for you to handle seeing dead bodies?

Holly: NO! I just wanted to finish my breakfast today before I got yet another phone call about another girl who was killed.

(Holly fidgets with her dark ringlets, wrapping and unwrapping them around her finger.)

Charlie: Well what made you want to get into the forensics business?

Holly: When I was 15 my father got me a camera for my birthday.  It sort of started my interest in photographing things.  Everything.  I found I especially enjoyed taking photos of people doing everyday things; playing with a puppy, taking out the garbage, brushing their hair.

(Holly seemed anxious talking about the past, and her leg starts tapping furiously.)

Charlie: Why do you put such a negative emphasis on 'father'?

(Holly's eye seemed to twitch with rage.)

Holly: I refuse to talk about him, except for that I've come to terms with his never being around, but I don't want him around now.  Pick something else to talk about now.

Charlie: No problem, I apologize for bringing up a sensitive subject.  Next question then: how does photographing murdered people affect your personal life?

(Holly glares at me, flips me off, and walks out of the room.)

Charlie: I guess that was too hard of a question for her.  I guess we'll have to...Oh wait, she's coming back!

(Holly comes in apologetically and takes her seat.)

Holly: I'm so very sorry Miss.  I didn't mean to be so rude.  I am just sensitive about my work, as it has affected my personal life so wholly.

Charlie: Not a problem at all, no judgement here Holly.  If you don't mind then, how has it affected you?

Holly: I have one friend, no love life, and I frequently eat alone at cafes.  It's rather pathetic, I think.

Charlie: You are pretty busy with your work though, that is usually cause for having a nil social life.

Holly: Mine is more an anti-social life.  There just isn't one, and I avoid it at all costs.  It's so much easier, and yes, I am exhausted from phone calls at 2 am, late nights, nightmares; it's a desperate sort of life.

(Holly rubs her forehead, releasing some tension.)

Charlie: Well I'm very sorry to hear about all of your tribulations Miss Holly, it seems like a life not chosen.

Holly: It's not. I couldn't be doing anything else and even be remotely happy.  It is thrilling trying to catch a killer, regardless of what it does to your life.

Charlie:  I can literally only imagine what that's like, the frustration and desperation of not finding the perpetrator, followed by celebration and elation at the end.

Holly: Sorry Miss, you're a bit off.  Yes, it's frustrating, it's full of desperation.  But there isn't really a celebration or bouts of elation when we catch someone.  Because when we catch someone, that means they still killed a person, now they are just going to pay for it.

Charlie: You're right on that one.  Thank you for doing what you do, and I'm sorry to hear your life isn't going so well.  Anything I can do?

(Holly seems to switch back to the angry mode she was in at the beginning; her eyes turning an deep onyx.)

Holly: How dare you even think your insignificance could EVER make a difference in our life!  We like things just the way they are, and Holly here can't do anything to change that, and neither can you. 

(Holly pulls out a long, sharp blade and threatens my throat with it.)

Charlie: STOP! STOP! Security!!!!!

(Holly is carted away by nervous looking police officers.)

Charlie: Sheesh! What in the hell??  At least she didn't get close enough to me.  How's my hair?  Still okay?  Good, lets get prepped for the next interview.

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Mindful Musing Blog Book Giveaway!!

The Mindful Musings blog has hit 400 followers!  They are having a contest to give a book away!  Always the best kind of prize!!  Go enter, heck, even go follow!!  She has a great blog going over there.  I have entered, so must you!

Charlie