It has been too many days since the last blog, where I proposed sticking to the proverbial guns when it came to resolutions. I am returning to take stock of what progress I am making towards my goals. My resolution was to just be. I am successful so far! I have been less anxious, less worrisome, and more happy! Slowly but surely I am noticing changes, little ones that you might miss if you weren't paying attention. But I notice. I feel the difference in my step, the bounce that wasn't there before. I am just me. I am just being me. And I am happy. I am eating better, sleeping better, and being a better me! Yay for just being! Hope all of your resolutions have become new ways of life.
Hello 2010! It's the third day of the year - do you know where your resolutions are?? Depending on what your resolution is, you may be already falling behind. Had that cigarette yet? Had that big piece of chocolate cake? Already missed a gym visit? Overspent on your brand new budget? For your sake, I hope not, you still have 362 days left in the year. Don't worry if it's been a rough few days, I believe in you! If you have messed up already, don't give up, just pick up and start again. My resolution to "just be" is going well so far. I have just been me for the last 3 days and it has made me feel great. I'm a little less anxious and a little more confident. Just a little - it's only been 3 days! ;)
Anyway, good luck with your resolution, whatever it may be. Keep up the good work!
Today on Write on Edge, it is the weekend linkup. I chose a chapter from one of my WIPs that I used for a blogfest a few years ago. Enjoy!
@Frankiediane is having a "No Kiss" Blogfest today, and my entry is posted below!! It's from my current WIP, Shutter Click. Hope you like my no-kiss!!
Holly was halfway to her car when she recalled not locking her lab door. She knew that could be dangerous considering what she had just spent the last hour developing. Naked photos would not be good for her reputation. She spun around and ran anxiously towards the lab, hoping no one would notice her erratic behavior.
She heard rustling on the other side of the door. Panic struck her chest, shortening her breath. Crashing through the door, she almost screamed at the sight of Charlie standing in the lab, holding a naked picture of her.
“Oh my gosh, Charlie! What in the hell are you doing in here?” Holly screeched at him.
“Well, it’s a long story Holly, but the doors on both your house and here were unlocked. What in the hell were you thinking?” Charlie’s deep voice echoed her irritation.
“I just forgot. I’ve had a lot on my mind, okay? You didn’t answer me: what are you doing in here?”
The tension grew when Charlie knew he’d been caught putting the naked photo in his wallet. He couldn’t ignore that it had happened, but he’d avoid bringing it up unless she did.
“I was looking for you! What happened at your house? There was blood everywhere, evidence boxes, and all those photos! What’s going on with you Holly?” Concern filled his eyes as he gazed at her disheveled appearance. She looked like hell had struck her with lightning. Holly knew that she couldn’t lie to Charlie, so she didn’t. Honesty would win him over faster, and then she’d be able to get back to her plans.
“Look Charlie,” she used his name for seriousness. “I've been having a really hard time dealing with these girls dying. I can’t figure out who the killer might be; I don’t even have the slightest idea. The clues are all over the place, and I can’t read them. As for my house, I was trying to get a feel for what the killer was trying to convey with the evidence. Why do the girls get posed and dressed up like they do? Why the notes with flowers? What does all this crap mean?” Holly’s eyes were welling with frustration.
“I don’t know either. I’m not a great detective like you are. Why are you crying? This isn’t your fault! It’s not your fault these girls are dead!” He knew what she needed. He reached out and softly touched her wet cheek, wiping away a fresh tear. Holly grasped onto his sleeve.
“Oh geez. I hate crying. Especially in front of people.” She smeared her mascara tears on his shirt as she hugged into his chest. She could feel his heartbeat murmur through his thick muscles. Shudders of sobs took over her body.
“This shouldn’t feel this good.” Holly thought deeply. Charlie softly brushed aside her stray black locks. He tipped her chin up to meet his, hovering less than an inch away from her delicate lips. She could feel his warmth enveloping her mouth; cherry lips wet with anticipation. His cologne and anxious sweat mixed to make a scent so enrapturing, Holly’s knees nearly buckled under the pressure. Golden suns stared into her soul, his caramel skin hot under her touch. A flutter in her chest warned her of the mess to come, and she pulled away. Thwarted, Charlie’s mouth pouted. He could feel her yearning, and was confused at her apprehension. She pushed on his chest, getting as far away from him as she could. Holly had to save herself and him from any sort of heartbreak.
“I’m sorry, I just can’t do it. I need some time to get through what’s going on right now. Not that I didn’t want to, I just can’t hurt anyone else.” Holly hoped her sensitivity was keeping Charlie on her side. His chivalrous side would want to save her from herself, and that would be enough to keep him from snooping too hard.
“It’s alright,” Charlie held his emotion back. “I understand, but just know I’m always here for you when you need it. Any time, day or night.” He got close enough to smell her hair, kissed her forehead, and walked out. Holly dropped to her knees, bawling hard. She needed to feel him, needed his touch, but couldn’t let herself. It was so wearisome and only perpetuated her self-loathing.
P.S. Photo props go to 'ladytwiglet from her DeviantArt page. Gorgeous photo!
This is the first sunrise of 2010 from my art room window. I captured it on my camera around 0710, and it is amazing. Hopefully this bodes well for how the rest of the year will be. Speaking of the rest of the year, most people are bringing up resolutions today. I never like making them, for they are usually superficial and don't last more than a week, if only a few days. This year I have a resolution of sorts. I plan to just be. I don't want to plan to be happier, luckier, faster, healthier, prettier, or anything more than what I am. I will just beme and see what happens. I want to just feel that who I am is enough, and stop chasing down crazy expectations that lead to disappointment and depression. This is not to say I will stop improving on myself, but if it is meant to be then I will be it. A quote out of one of my all-time favorite books leads off this year for me:
While Eeyore frets And Piglet hesitates and Rabbit calculates and Owl pontificates Pooh just is.